I was recently at a park that I had never been to. It was in, apparently, not so great an area. My wife and son were with me. They wandered of together to some playground equipment some 100 yards away leaving me eating my takeout alone on some rocks. Not too long after, a scruffy looking guy comes my direction and at about 50 ft asks, “Hey you here alone?”
Having spotted him before he opened his mouth, I was already on alert. I said firmly and loudly, “No, go away!” When he replied, “huh?” I reiterated, “go away, get out of here!” He changed course about 15 feet from me and started muttering something about me being a “whacked chracka” and being nuts.
No sooner than 5 minutes later, another scruffy guy came toward me looking to talk. I gave him the same treatment and he quickly vectored away while telling me to chill out.
When the wife and son returned a couple minutes later, we left that sad excuse for a public recreation area and I did my after action analysis with my wife. She agreed that there was absolutely no reason other than trouble for these guys to be approaching me; I’m that big huge, but at 200lbs with longish hair, goatee and stubble, I don’t look particularly cuddly to anyone but my family members. She approved heartily of my use of simple, assertive, yet conceivably rude instructions to immediately dispatch with these trouble causers.
I recently came about a interesting thread (membership required) on a forum I visit a lot: DefensiveCarry.com. If you opt not to get a membership on the side in order to read the thread, the synopsis is that a guy who claims to be just out meeting people and acting a bit odd, gets a little close to the original poster in his garage. The poster indicates how his spidey senses are all on full, and when the unwelcome visitor reaches for something behind him, the poster postures for the gun he carries (he didn’t draw), and the visitor eventually beats tracks. He never found out if the guy was up to no good or just odd.
What was very notable is the poster’s wife told him, “You scare yourself sometimes,” and “You’re not friendly.”
Leaving the issue of when and why to reach for a defensive weapon out of the picture, the main issue to focus on in retrospective analysis, is why so many folks, this poster’s wife included, are afraid of being rude to a complete stranger who is giving you unwanted attention.
I have to guess is that people are either in denial that something bad is present or they’re afraid of embarrassing themselves. The poster’s wife certainly sounded like she was both in denial and embarrassed at her husband’s response. I certainly feel his frustration at her naivety.
It’s really simple. You’ve got a complete stranger who’s approached you. You’ve ruled out that they don’t belong (e.g. they’re not a neighbor, a rep for someone you do business with, etc). Unless they are clearly a sales person and you want what they’re offering, they have no value to you. Tell them as much, clearly.
A good sales person should be able to understand that and realize their time is spent better elsewhere. Anyone else is simply unwanted and if they ignore your first request they’re dumb or up to no good.
If they’re dumb, you need to be more blunt with them; that’s the only way they’re going to get it. If they’re up to no good, you need to be blunt with them. Your resistance will demonstrate that you aren’t just going to roll over and readily be their victim. Hopefully, they’ll be bright enough to realize you’re a bad mark and move on. If not, well that’s another topic of discussion…
Regardless, a stranger is gone, and since they’re a stranger, does it really matter if they’re irritated with you for being rude? I’d rather overreact and occasionally make a mistake that I can talk with others about afterwards than to fall victim to a criminal because I was too embarrassed to be assertive.